


Separations

by Epi_girl



Category: Wolf 359 (Radio)
Genre: Angst, Confusion, Eiffel Centric, Gen, Memory Loss, Mentions of Jacobi and Pryce, Post-Canon, not a fix it fic, please help this man, the finale made me feel a lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-26
Updated: 2018-02-26
Packaged: 2019-03-23 12:00:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13787271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Epi_girl/pseuds/Epi_girl
Summary: The Urania is not the same as the Hephaestus.Doug reflects on that.





	Separations

There's a sort of thing that Doug does, really without realizing it, that is, until Hera points it out on one of the numerous occasions where he happens to be asking too many questions about who he used to be.

He uses different names.

He is Doug. Who he is now, on the Urania, bound for Earth, that's him. Doug. The guy in the tapes? That's Eiffel. Smarmy and angry with too many grudges and bad habits and conflicting feelings.

They aren't the same, but the way that Renee looks at him sometimes, like she's searching for something, the hope that maybe who he was isn't really gone? It makes him wish that he could jump right into those tapes and become angry, unhealthy Eiffel again.

(Except he doesn't want that. He's different but he's better and he thinks that if it had been Eiffel on this ship now, he would have been better too.)

He hasn't managed to get to many of the later ones, the ones with Daniel or Miranda in them, but he thinks about it sometimes, and he does something similar to the split between him and Eiffel with the others.

Doug knows Renee, but he also knows Minkowski. In the tapes it's always Minkowski, stern, capable, short-tempered Minkowski. But on the ship, the person who so kindly helps him figure out how to work parts of the comms panel he’s confused about, and explains whatever he doesn't understand, she's... mostly Renee. Patient and tired after all she's been through. But sometimes that brash side breaks through and Doug sees Minkowksi, and he can't help but wonder if that's what she expects Eiffel to do one of these days.

And Isabel. He thinks of her as that, but truth be told, she still feels like Lovelace.

There’s less of a difference with her, between the tapes and the reality he lives in now. She’s a bit of a contradiction, hot and cold in equal measure, and also authoritative, compelling and, well, more than a little abrasive sometimes. She’s a lot for him, on occasion. He doesn’t deal with aggression very well.

But sometimes... sometimes Lovelace cracks and just for a moment, he can see Isabel. Vulnerable and kind Isabel, who most of the world will never get to meet.

Doug wants to know more about her.

Hera.... Hera is strange to him.

In the quiet moments he has, alone on the deck or sitting in his room, he thinks about her. He knows, logically speaking, that she is always there and always has been there, even when he was Eiffel, and now. But when he’s alone, he doesn’t understand how things can feel so empty if she’s really always there.

He doesn’t talk to Hera very much some days.

He wonders if she likes that.

 

Doug separates the people he knows from the people Eiffel knew, because though they might have the same body and voice and all that physical stuff, they are not the same. The Hephaestus changed them, that last stand changed them, and so he separates them.

Renee is not Minkowski.

Isabel is not Lovelace.

Hera is different.

He is not Eiffel.

But he has to wonder if he does this because he truly believes they are different, or because he just can’t come to terms with the fact that these people all knew someone different, someone with his face and voice, who they loved, but someone they all lost in the blink of an eye.

And maybe he’s just a reminder of that to them.

  
Maybe that’s why they aren’t the same.

**Author's Note:**

> Wolf 359 hurt my boy and I didn’t make it any better whoops


End file.
